Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t cotton to rapists

I vibrated my dogs shock collar while it was eating my other dog’s food and now it won’t eat. How do I fix this problem?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

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I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I understand how hurricane paths work

Can it be true that people know your name, not your story, they’ve heard what you’ve done, but not what you’ve been through, so take their opinions of you with a grain of salt?

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

Are you already having anal sex?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

If Jesus spoke against abortion and prioritized family values, how quickly would he be dismissed as a patriarchal figure by modern progressives?

I can count

I have a reading level above third grade

I can read

Is Trump the greatest spiritual leader since Jesus?

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

Why do I keep dreaming of my mom, who recently passed away from cancer, still being sick and in pain?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

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I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

What sexual experience did you have at a highway rest area?

I see through liars

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I have complete contempt for traitorism

Why do so many people suddenly think it's acceptable to continue to live with their parents into adulthood?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I actually pay taxes

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

How can I get a girlfriend? I am 26.

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

What are some things that children used to wait for, but are no longer common in today's society?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

Why do some films seem to date/age so badly?

I don’t buy bullshit

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

How did Nickelback gain a large fan base despite criticism of their music?

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

What is the STAR interview method?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter